Take One Cocktail Lounge

Located in Little Haiti, Take One Cocktail Lounge is ghetto-fabulous. It's a place where thugs chill, a small strip club with the stage directly behind the bar. The smell of ganja fills the air, and the staff makes you feel welcome. Most of the patrons are locals, and the strippers have some of the biggest booties you will ever see. One of these hot mamas has "100%" tattooed on her left buttock and "Beef" inked on the right. Go ahead and stick a dollar bill into her butt crack. She will shake that rump in your face. Oh, the joy of being smacked with some big ass and titties. Order a drink and consider getting the most inexpensive lap dance in Miami ($10). She will dry-hump you, bumping and grinding until you are satisfied. The DJ plays nothing but hip-hop; songs with lyrics like "Slob on my knob, like corn on the cob" create the perfect ambiance. Admission is free, but please leave your guns at home. Owing to a number of shootings on the premises, the bouncers will pat you down before you enter.

• Hours: 12pm-5am