The Olympics are great and all, but some of the sports are just so...archaic. After all, outside of sleeper cells and prep schools, who does archery or fencing? What the International Olympic Committee lacks is a window into the sports of the people, the salt of the earth from places like Pike/Pine. It’s a little-known fact that the original Olympic games were created by Ancient Greece’s urban hipsters. Representing their city-states, these trendsetters sought but a forum for their feats of strength and daring. Were they with us today, they wouldn’t go near the current Olympics, what with its steroids and bloat and the soft focus puff-pieces by NBC. Nay, they’d be at Cal Anderson Park, where the true torch still burns. Dodgeball? Come one, come call—but come correct. Tightrope? The hardest line you’ll ever walk. Ultimate? It’s earned the name. Kickball? Natch. Pick-up soccer? No diggity. Fixie polo? Fo-shizzle. Maybe even some basketball for good measure. The new Olympic rings are attached to the six-pack in your fridge. The people are taking these games back. DAMON AGNOS
