If you can't find the fake lure to fit your specifications at this off-the-grid outdoors emporium, it doesn't exist. The selection is mind-boggling, monstrous, even excessive, if that's possible in this big-box age. However, not everyone is a sucker for the Bass, which started life in 1971 with eight feet of shelf space in a backwoods Missouri bait shop and has mushroomed into a chain boasting more than 40 big-box "Walleye-Marts." (Outgunned) competitors are naturally disdainful and true sportsfolks won't set foot in the joint, but weekend warriors can't get enough of the 200,000-square-foot retailer/tourist destination. On the fence? Want the worm of your dreams but not sure you want to pay the social toll? Here's a hilariously appropriate yelp.com post we found from one similarly conflicted Phoenix woman: "Talk about retail meets theme park meets playground meets the wild outdoors! When you first walk in, you aren't sure what your eyes should settle upon. The flashy boats? The four-wheelers? The huge fish tank? The gun room? The arcade games? From slingshots to dog collars, we looked it all over. We even spotted a camo bikini. Absurd. [Despite] being in sheer bewilderment of the enormity of this place, I had fun. I hate to admit it, but it's true. From admiring the wood furniture to snapping a camera pic of a bull's testicles, I had fun! I even managed to find some flip-flops I convinced myself I needed. Now that's powerful marketing!" Indeed.
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